Kinks or Fetishes… What's the difference?
When most people think of kinks and fetishes, they often put them in the same category. However, there is a big difference between the two. So what exactly is the difference between a kink and a fetish? This is exactly what we look at in this chapter.
A kink is any kind of sexual behavior that falls outside the "norm". It can be anything from spanking to role playing to using sex toys. Kinks are often seen as whimsical or quirky, and are generally considered more playful than sexual. In general, a kink is any sexual activity that falls outside of traditional intercourse. On the other hand, a fetish is a sexual obsession with a particular object, body part or activity. A person with a foot fetish can, for example, get excited by kissing, licking, massaging or smelling feet. Fetishes are often considered more intense than kinks, and can sometimes be considered taboo.
Of course, there is a lot of overlap between the two terms, and people often use them interchangeably. BDSM activities such as spanking and bondage can be considered either kinks or fetishes, depending on the person's level of interest and involvement. For some people these activities are just things that they enjoy doing in the bedroom (kink), for others they are an all-consuming obsession without which they cannot achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction - and thus a fetish.
It is important to remember that both kinks and fetishes are completely normal. In fact, studies have shown that almost half of all adults have at least one kink or fetish. So whether you're into spanking or feet, there's nothing to be ashamed of! You must want exactly what you want!
How do I know if I have a kink or a fetish?
The easiest way to tell the difference between a kink and a fetish is by looking at your level of interest. If you're only mildly interested in trying something new in the bedroom, there's a good chance it's just a kink. But if you can't get enough of something—if you're constantly thinking about it, planning for it, getting excited about it, and can't enjoy sex without it – it's pretty safe to say you have a fetish.
Another way to tell the difference is by looking at your motivation. If you're only interested in something because your partner is—if you don't care outside of the bedroom—it's probably just a kink. But if you find yourself obsessing over something even when your partner isn't around, it's probably a fetish. Do you involve your desire when you have sex with yourself? If so, then this also suggests a fetish.
Finally, consider how important the activity is to your sex life. If you're fine with never doing it again after trying it once, it was probably just a passing curiosity (a kink). But if it bothers you that you can't do it - if it would ruin your sex life if you couldn't do it anymore - then there's a good chance you've developed a fetish
Some will say very squarely that if you are in doubt then you don't have a fetish.
What do you think reading this book says about you?
You can possibly try my online test here:
Fetish or Kink (Danish version)
Fetish or Kink (English version)